Struggling to Write

I need to write!

Particularly when I don't want to!

This month has been FAR less productive than I had hoped it would be.  After a fast start where I wrote about 5 pages in 2 days, I petered out just as fast and have been just forcing myself to STOP writing chapter 7.  It's done.  It has been done.  Someone convince my muse that it's done!

So Chapter 8 is empty still.  STILL.  Unacceptable.  And yet, I doomed myself.  I bought myself Fallout 4 after Christmas and I have been unable to think about anything that isn't radioactive, apocalyptic, or devastated.  Fallout 4 is fun!  But that's not what I should be doing!

The moments when I have to force myself to write are the hardest.  It's like depression, I think.  You want to put fingers to keys and type things, and you KNOW what you want to type.  But it just -nope- doesn't happen.  You can be thinking of like a great bit of writing while in the shower or while walking through a snowstorm but you sit in front of a keyboard and -nope- nothing.  You immediately think of 'better' things to do, or a way to make your settlement in Fallout 4 that much better.

Sometimes I wonder if writing can be compared to a pressure system.  Ideas and the urge to write build up over time when you don't write, until at some point the urge to write overpowers the other distractions in life and you finally write because you need to relieve the pressure!  Well the end of December and the first week of January let me vent that pressure and now...  At least I have, officially, this time, finally, decided that Chapter 7 is 'good enough for me to stop writing it and move on.' I just hope Chapter 8 decides to let me write it down before I find some other game to disappear into. . .

I'm looking at you Homeworld: Deserts of Kharak.

Work is Stressful!

Adulting is hard...

[rant]

You can't make me!

Back to work at school, and I find that not only do I not want to be there this week, but neither does anyone else!  Staff and students are sick, which means I'm going to end up sick, as well as grumpy!  I've never had to argue with so many students!  And the staff is just sick of a lot of the students who just don't care.

It kind of makes me sad, really.  What is so wrong with our culture that our children have no sense of pride in anything, and that they willingly permit themselves to avoid getting an education?  And I'm not talking about knowing historical dates or memorizing scientific theory, I mean learning the problem solving skills that coincide with struggling!  Or how to follow directions.  Or just to simply fight through adversity to achieve one's goals!  I see too many students just throw their hands in the air and say, "I can't do this," when things get hard instead of asking for help.  And when they do ask for help they just whine about how confusing it is instead of letting you help them!

I don't expect every student to be good at math or science or whatever, but to at least give effort.  To try.  To face adversity and complete the tasks before them with pride!  Even if that means trying and failing.  Because we all learn from failure!  I've had plenty of helpings of failure.  I was on academic probation my sophomore year of college because I couldn't pass an accelerated mathematics course as well as a writing class.  Yes!  This future author failed Expository Writing!  I had to retake these classes.  I've been fired from jobs and disciplined for not doing jobs properly.  I've made choices I later regretted due to not making a more beneficial choice.  I am not always proud of my mistakes, but I learned from them.  I persevered through the adversity.  I kept my head up and found a way.  Why?  Because I had to.  Because as a young man and even now as an older (young) man I had bills to pay, responsibilities to fulfil, expectations to reach.  I had goals for myself and still do, and though some are further from reach than others, I keep struggling toward them.  I don't see this in many of the students I work with, and it saddens me.  I want everyone to achieve their dreams.  I want people to be happy and able to take care of themselves.  And I want them to avoid the mistakes I made.

I know what I want is unrealistic, but I won't just give up on them all.  Even the most infuriating student will earn my compassion (once I get over how dumb and frustrating they are).  I want kids to learn things.  Anything.  Preferably legal and harmless things.  But I want them to be willing to engage and be enthusiastic about something!

[/rant]

I hope your career is keeping you engaged and excited.  I do enjoy my job, and most days don't make me feel this way, but today was awful.  Everything bad about what I do was amplified today.  But don't mind me.  I will keep working on what's important to me.  I have a great year ahead of me that will end (not literally but close enough) with my marriage to my wonderful blog editor and fiancee.  (They're the same person by the way, just incase there was confusion).  And I'm going to finish my book!  There's no time like the present, right?

Best wishes!  Thanks for reading my rant!

Back to Work!

So I hope everyone who had off between Christmas Eve and today enjoyed having off between Christmas Eve and today because today happened and we all had to go back to work.  Yay.  (Boo).  But it wasn't all bad!  I wrote over two pages of my book!

I think that is the most I have managed to write in a single day in. . .  a really long time.  Probably not since I wrote the first draft of my third chapter in one sitting because I was writing it for a creative writing class and the draft was due the next morning and I'm a master procrastinator and this sentence is getting too long.  But I am very happy with myself.  So my plan to write "lots of book" has started off on the write foot!  (See what I did there?)

Happy New Year!

Plans for the Future

Happy New Year readers!  With 363 days ahead of us, I hope everyone has some plans to complete projects or make needed changes to make their lives more enjoyable!  I know I sure do.  Here is a short list of my "2016 To Do" list.

• Having received some camping gear from family members, I must give in to the fact that I spend way to much inside, sitting on my butt, and not enough time outdoors.  So, at some point this year a backpacking trip is in order.
• I have high hopes for my book writing this year, so I am planning to get at least 4 more chapters done, based on how I progressed the passed few months.  I am hoping that the more I write the more the story will crystallize in my mind.
• Speaking of books, I have two books written by my friend Robin Dilks, (whose's blog can be found here) that I still haven't finished reading.  Sorry Robin.  But once they're done, I will give them the review treatment.
• And I'm getting married in 345 days!  So I'm going to try to get in better shape, both for the wedding and the backpacking.
• There are also a bunch of awesome looking movies coming out this year, such as "Batman V Superman" and "Deadpool" and "Captain America: Civil War" that I will want to see and review.
• Get more artwork done for my book!

So it looks like I have a very busy year.  I am excited to get started on it.  As an added bonus, I'm planning to finish chapter 8 this month (I know I'm saying this again but I have to set goals).  I'm almost done with what I needed to add to chapter 7 so hopefully this will get checked off this month.  I hope you all manage to check off whatever goals you have on your own lists.  Good luck in the new year!